Watch Out, Shaggy!

Hanna Barbera Productions has announced a new series of Scooby Doo cartoons to be based in Scotland. The Hollywood filmmakers have been attracted by the weird gallery of oddball characters appearing in Scottish public life which they say are perfect for their stories of monsters, ghouls and mad megalomaniacs.

“We were looking at Scotland because of the Loch Ness Monster”, said a spokesman. “But when we saw the English chief guy Al Carmichaeli who looks like the Honey Monster, all puffy and growly, we saw an opportunity. Then came the list of donors to the Better Go Down Together campaign and realised this really is the oddball country of Europe with huge scope for scary humour.”

He said there were individuals who could easily translate into freakish characters who could frighten children. “But not too much. Just enough to say Boo and then make kids laugh because of their sheer absurdity.”

He said the company liked to line up a rogues gallery of personalities with disgusting, immoral or illegal and threatening behaviour patterns. “We used to rely on the Soviet Union during the Communist era but Scotland now has the most unlikely troop of scary eccentrics anywhere in the world. You’ve got millionaire business types who don’t care about people and will do anything to make more money. They all bankroll the evil Tory machine at Greyskull HQ but have corrupted the lowbrow socialist crew into thinking they are their friends. There are killers and corruptors in there and people who pose as benefactors while buying privilege at the expense the people. Shaggy and the gang are really goin’ to have their work cut out to deal with these babies.”

The company particularly loves the shady espionage associations of some donors who  are linked to militaristic organisations with mercenaries for hire. “That’s right up our street. We don’t have to create the characters, just digitally draw them. The real horror is already there, true to life. Scotland really is a goldmine.”

He said the big advantage for Scotland was that they might set up a studio here to capitalise on the weird and menacing characters crawling out of the Unionist undergrowth. “This could go on for years. It’s also great that they’re all in the No campaign. That’s such a great name for a sinister, power-grabbing organisation. Scooby Doo, baby!”