The British government has warned that independence will take Scotland outside the international norms for special mail delivery and could mean no presents for Scottish children. Without agreement on recognised protocols Santa Claus might be forbidden from touching down on the roofs of homes north of the border, according to the Foreign Office.
“We have been studying international agreements which are currently in force under the name of the United Kingdom”, said a spokesman, “and it’s clear that Scotland would need to reapply which could take years. In the meantime little Scots would be denied their right to presents from Santa, graphically illustrating the devastating impact of separation. Meanwhile little English children will be opening their presents and have a normal family Christmas. It is time Mr Salmond was honest about his plans to break up Britain.”
Santa makes his annual journey with agreement on access to airspace and with special touchdown privileges in every country on earth. Britain is the signatory to the agreement and Scotland is not separately represented. There are also worries that another country might try to veto Scottish membership in order to keep more presents for children in states already in the agreement.
Better Together said it was not automatic that Santa brought presents and the Scottish government hadn’t bothered to find out if the tradition would continue after a Yes vote. “Imagine denying children the biggest day of the year for his own dangerous political ambitions. It tells you all you need to know about the nationalists. They can’t be honest”, said a spokesman, “or no one would vote for them. Headlines saying Santa snubs Scotland will finally kill off the crazy idea that Scotland could be like other countries. Just because Santa still delivers to North Korea doesn’t mean he would come to Scotland. This isn’t just fear-mongering. The Foreign Office has done its homework as it did before the war in Iraq. ” A possible solution would be for Santa to fly over the country and drop presents on to rooftops or to deliver gifts to Berwick and let local children throw them over the barbed wire frontier into Scottish territory.
“We’re not kidding about this,” said Better Together. “It’s important Scots get the message about separation.” A publicity campaign is planned with Alistair Darling dressed as Santa calling out: “No, no, no.”
Derek what I want to know is who at the no campaign gave you access to the Project Fear Press Release Template?
Merry Christmas, Derek. An yir still the MAN.
… and yet, I may still take a risk and vote Yes .. Merry Christmas Derek 🙂
A Happy Christmas to you and yours, Derek and a successfully Independent year in 2014.
It’s a brave and foolish BetterNo man who threatens to veto Santa leaving pressies in an Indy Scotland!
Perhaps we should give 5yr olds the vote? Have a good Christmas Derek and your family too..hohoho..
You’re better than Santa!
Very Merry Xmas Derek –
You just know they at BT, will be doing a re-write of such a story as of now, because you stole their thunder ! (Scarily near the truth this).
The great mince dripper Falkirkski will of course challenge this as a scare story on your part.
Happy Christmas Derek,
thank you for keeping us laughing through all the stupid scare stories. I look forward to another 9 months of hilarity at Darling’s expense.
Merry Christmas Derek.
Beat you to the Santa scare story 🙂
Your blog has been enlightening and entertaining. Looking forward to 2014 and the unionists attempt to discredit the online independence community. I suspect we will see many more unionist trolls patrolling the independence blogs and websites. I strongly suspect many of them will be paid to do so. Their paymasters will no doubt be rich tory’s just like the Better Together campaign.
Look out for further scares in 2014, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy may also boycott Scotland if we are foolish enough to vote for Mel Gibson. Just sayin’ like….
A merry Christmas Derek.
Brilliant! The scary thing is that if you believe in Santa, this also believable . . .
Merry Christmas Derek.
Excellent work as usual Derek, a merry Christmas to all despite the power cut!
Happy Christmas Derek you have entertained and enlightned me in equal measure since your blog started and for that alone I thank you sir.
Even if we get to keep Santa after independace Better Together wont pre-negotiate how many raindeer we could afford for his sleigh.
Happy Christmas Derek!
This blog could be true, because the Tories could get their pal the Duke of Sutherland to remove Scots roofs. Where would Santa park his sleigh then?
With Santa gone we’d be thrown back on redeploying redundant food bank volunteers, and scotch eggs in the toes of our stockings. It’s beyond a joke.
Merry Christmas, Derek! It may be the last we know.
Typical BBC bias. Why weren’t the separatists asked for their view?
Merry Xmas Derek I see in the Scotsman a certain journalist?? is trying to copy your style of blog I don’t think you should worry as it is really crass.
Santa dressed as darling shouting — No, No ,No 🙂 , love it 🙂
A very Happy Christmas Derek and lots to look forward to in this crucial year ahead of us. Starting your Blog brought Christmas early to us, well done and keep it going, thanks
Total pish from the FO. Coming from the North Pole the best way to the English part of the rUK is over Scotland. If Scottish airspace is out then Santa will have to come via Norway Denmark Germany Holland Belgium and France and it’ll be the battered satsuma and the rag doll for English children as the aforementioned (copyright lawyers and the FO) Norwegian, etc. children will have had all the good pressies before Santa even crosses the coast.
He could go the other way via Iceland and Ireland but that would mean endorsing the Arc of Prosperity and Alistair Darling has already branded them terrorists so he’d never get past the Border Agency after a flight from a terrorist country. We have to protect our bankers.
Like the money question, they have raised an objection to Scottish independence without thinking what the consequences may be for the rUK.
I hope you had a Merry Christmas and I wish you and yours all the best in 2014.
Not to mention the risk that Santa’s progress might be seriously delayed because of French Air Traffic Controllers’ strikes!
It’s outrageous !!!!!!!!, they’re holding a loaded Reindeer at our head ………….. and there doing it deliberately !!!
Merry Xmas Derek, looking forward to your future articles.
Crivvens, I never thought that a consequence of independence could be that my grandkids would be deprived of Santa.
Trust the Bitter Togetherers to get it wrong, Darling can’t be Santa ‘cos Darling has black bushy eyebrows not white ones like Santa has. But then with a black bushy beard to match his black bushy eyebrows and his black tales of doom following independence Darling could be the Anti-Santa.
I have really enjoyed your articles, many thanks, Derek.
Typical UKOK scarestory that can be debunked in minutes.
Santa – or Father Christmas/Yule buck as we call him – lives in Finland and is strictly neutral, just looks at who’s been naughty or nice.
Santa is an Americanised, commerciallised version of northern European Father Christmas/Yule buck traditions. A sign of how the UK is now taking the lead from the US in so many things…
Joulupukki (Father Christmas/Yule buck) lives in Lapland (northern Finland) on Korvatunturi.
He certainly doesn’t take his orders from spiteful British politicos. He’ll deliver the presents to Scottish kids (and adults) regardless, like he does all over the world. He’s above politics – but being from a small independent country, he has a soft spot for small independent countries, and hopes to deliver a big, early pressie for everybody in Scotland in mid-September next year.
And he will keep delivering the pressies to all nice Scots after the referendum – though, sadly, he fears that after a NO vote, the pressies will be less. There’d be quite a lot of naughty people, starting with Alistair Darling, Blair McDougal, JoLa, Anas Sarwar, Chairchoob Davidson, the Secretary of State for Porthsmouth Alistair Crymichael, political editors and editors-in-chief in all the MSM, the list just goes on… Surely proven liars shouldn’t be given Christmas pressies?
Well, Joulupukki will be a lot more forgiving in 2014 than I’d be. But that’s typical Finland (small independent country) diplomacy for you. Making friends and seeking discussions, consensus, not bullying and going in with guns and bombs.
Too bad if the rUK will shoot down Father Christmas and his reindeer on their way to an independent Scotland. Wouldn’t that be another crime against humanity?
Stick a grey/white wig/beard on Alex Salmond and he’s a natural Father Christmas. A bit portly, good-humored, even jolly… But also a bit scary, asking if you’ve been naughty or nice (from the Westminster lot). He can be pretty merciless to the naughty people (Brit establishment).
However, what gift could be bigger or better than independence?
Scots, you MUST go for it, vote YES. If you don’t… You’ll sink with the other peripheral regions of the UK, your riches will, once again, be taken from you while you watch by, impotent, helpless, and see your country descend even lower. Fuel povery, child poverty, food banks… Better Together???
Independent Scotland won’t be a land of milk and honey but it has a chance of being a better, more equal country than the US… Sorry, UK.
You MUST vote YES next year. You’re handed a “get out of jail free” card, and how stupid do you have to be to not use it??
Santa is free agent under International Law