IDS Christmas Message

What a year it’s been with the roll-out of humanitarian reforms and benefit streamlining, all transforming Britain from the bottom up. And that’s what I’m most proud of – the way that we as a nation have pulled together to make it work.

For example, no sooner did we start rigorously re-assessing those with disabilities for fitness to work than many decided not to claim in a spirit of altruism and as others became impoverished so the great Food Bank movement took off.

It’s moved me to tears to see how ordinary men and women have given their time and resources to help others, proving that we are all in this together. What better example of our great country and it’s inspirational people could you have than helping the less fortunate? This is proof that our policies are working. Even in Scotland where there is often resistance to change, there are more breakfast clubs, clothes banks and food banks starting up showing that the nationalists also agree with us. There has been a charitable food effort not seen since the second world war. Isn’t that wonderful? Doesn’t it remind you of our greatest hour and make you think of all those land girls raking and hoeing for the nation’s larder? Only the Tories get people working together like that for a common cause. And just like the war, rickets is returning. My, that takes me back to my mother’s day when I was told to “eat up or you’ll get rickets”. Doctors have declared there is now a public health emergency because of food poverty, recreating the 40’s and 50’s when everybody was happier. There was no Scottish nationalism then, now was there?

I like the new slogan people are using all over Britain. It is: “Eat or heat”. Catchy, isn’t it? That decision, of whether to keep warm or heat up a tin of beans leads to self- sufficiency and the purging pleasure of sacrifice, something we Britons are never afraid of. I myself have had to sacrifice the need to own my own house and pay the bills by the insistence of my father in law that I live in a £2m Tudor mansion in Buckinghamshire rent-free. I have four spare bedrooms but as I don’t get housing benefit, the bedroom tax doesn’t apply to me. Also there are no benefits which apply to tennis courts, pool and acres of countryside. I wish it didn’t have to be this way but Betsy’s father is the fifth Baron Cottesloe and what’s a poor man to do? Still, it means I have enough money left over for my drop-head Morgan sports car.

I know people are pulling together to help the disabled too. Two thirds of those affected by the bedroom tax are disabled and now get to share their income by paying for rooms for their carers to stay in. They are cutting back on food bills which is another wonderful opportunity for all of us to drop in and make friends and help out. It’s so rewarding. And, since it’s Christmas I want to apologise to all those terminally ill people who didn’t get their personal independent payments because of delays. I know many of you are now dead so technically it’s too late. But I’m going to pay up anyway in the spirit of Christmas and I promise to do better next year.

That’s all I’ve got time for as I’m of to the ATOS Christmas party. They don’t run it themselves – they outsource it. Can you believe it? Anyway the joke is that ATOS have examined Lady Thatcher and declared her fit for work! I love this country. Thank you for all being so supine and allowing me to get away with it.

Merry Christmas. At least I know you won’t eat too much…

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7 thoughts on “IDS Christmas Message

  1. I hate to quote Wikipedia but it’s probably the most unbiased source and it has links to others:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_George_Square

    I give you the Ghost Of Christmas Past

  2. I find it sad and depressing that you have had to write this article in the UK in 2013.

    If it wasn’t for the possibility of independence for Scotland come next September I think I would be suicidal, and I’m one of the lucky ones who will be able to put a tattie and some dripping on the table for Christmas day.

    It is time that the cess-pit that is westminster was cleared out. It has been taken over by a mob who have no conscience and are only interested in their own well-being. Our UK politicians are in the ownership of global business and bankers.

    Roll on September 2014.

  3. The saddest part is that labour have promised to outdo the tories in making cuts. The media have a lot to answer for. Their refusal to be honest means that so many people are unaware of labour’s position that they still believe there is an answer to the tories in the UK.

    Roll on September and let me out of this madhouse.

  4. pa_broons got a name fir him, ah just cannie remember whit it is right noo, but it’ll come back tae me.

  5. I echo X sticks comment.We must sever our relationship with these people.

  6. Isn’t Thatcher a bit Rusty and past her best to be working now.

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