The British government has warned that independence will take Scotland outside the international norms for special mail delivery and could mean no presents for Scottish children. Without agreement on recognised protocols Santa Claus might be forbidden from touching down on the roofs of homes north of the border, according to the Foreign Office.
“We have been studying international agreements which are currently in force under the name of the United Kingdom”, said a spokesman, “and it’s clear that Scotland would need to reapply which could take years. In the meantime little Scots would be denied their right to presents from Santa, graphically illustrating the devastating impact of separation. Meanwhile little English children will be opening their presents and have a normal family Christmas. It is time Mr Salmond was honest about his plans to break up Britain.”
Santa makes his annual journey with agreement on access to airspace and with special touchdown privileges in every country on earth. Britain is the signatory to the agreement and Scotland is not separately represented. There are also worries that another country might try to veto Scottish membership in order to keep more presents for children in states already in the agreement.
Better Together said it was not automatic that Santa brought presents and the Scottish government hadn’t bothered to find out if the tradition would continue after a Yes vote. “Imagine denying children the biggest day of the year for his own dangerous political ambitions. It tells you all you need to know about the nationalists. They can’t be honest”, said a spokesman, “or no one would vote for them. Headlines saying Santa snubs Scotland will finally kill off the crazy idea that Scotland could be like other countries. Just because Santa still delivers to North Korea doesn’t mean he would come to Scotland. This isn’t just fear-mongering. The Foreign Office has done its homework as it did before the war in Iraq. ” A possible solution would be for Santa to fly over the country and drop presents on to rooftops or to deliver gifts to Berwick and let local children throw them over the barbed wire frontier into Scottish territory.
“We’re not kidding about this,” said Better Together. “It’s important Scots get the message about separation.” A publicity campaign is planned with Alistair Darling dressed as Santa calling out: “No, no, no.”