Presumed missing…

The whereabouts of blogger Derek Bateman Broadcaster are still unknown after he failed to return from a break in the Perthshire hills. His agent issued a statement on his behalf thanking all for their concern and confirming that a stockpile of blogs prepared before the trip will be posted in coming weeks.

“We’re getting used to the idea that he may not be coming back,” said the statement. “There’s still a lot to do and we’re busy editing material he was writing for future publication. Some of it alludes to his suspicions of spying and seems very pertinent. Some show anxiety about the BBC. ”

A spokesman for the Yes campaign said it was a pity he had not re-appeared since his blog about being abducted by aliens had made a telling contribution to the debate. Better Together said: “Some people should learn what is good for them and have the decency to respond when unaccountable forces are trying to tell them something. If you’re outside in the wilds you might catch a virus. Like Scotland, he needs to learn the lesson.”

There were complaints when Ian Davidson MP tweeted that he had been bayonetted.

The blogger’s agent confirmed that the holiday competition was going ahead as planned. “Many people entered into the spirit of it and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind me picking a winner,” he said. “If GP Walrus gets in touch at and provides an address, he will receive a prize purchased at the Crannog Centre on the day of disappearance. He would have enjoyed all the entries but the plausible BBC reports in the winning entry later corrected by Newsnet were excellent and Kenmore Quarrie a touch of genius.”

In the absence of the main blogger there is a guest contribution by Ian Davidson (Lab) of Glasgow.

“I think the SNP is on to something. I’ve always liked the way they look at things and their ambition for Scotland and although I’m a lifelong Labour man, I respect what they do and say. If I didn’t have a place in Labour, I would definitely join the SNP and do my best for an independent Scotland. Sometimes things I say get taken out of context and when I see them in print I think how awful the look. But really, I extend the hand of friendship to all nationalists and wish them well in their big project. I am a Unionist myself but I could be persuaded to Nationalism if I sat down for a heart-to-heart with Alex Salmond. I think he’s much misunderstood, a bit like myself and I reckon we could become firm friends if I didn’t have to toe the party line. In fact, if I got the tipped the wink, I might move over to the Nats before the referendum and might put myself forward as one of their candidates. There are many moderate people in Labour like me who are seen as hardline but in fact are totally open-minded. So I extend fraternal greetings to Yes voters everywhere and wish them every success. May the best man win, as the saying goes. That’s what I believe anyway, unlike my namesake, the MP for Glasgow South West.”


6 thoughts on “Presumed missing…

  1. Sorely missed, welcome back.

  2. Hope you enjoyed the break. Your silence along with Johann’s was too much to endure, but at least you have spoken again.

    Did you meet up with other conspirators …Oh! That will be top secret.

    • cynicalHighlander

      I believe he was in daily contact with the SHIP group short for Scottish Haggii Independence Party who are campaigning hard to free their intensively farmed captive brothers which is spoiling their way of life of leading the hunters a merry jig through the heather.

  3. Here was me thinking, its a bloody conspiracy man! The *only* plausible explanation for his disappearance is he’s been snatched by Paul Sinclair and Johann Lamont with Ken McQuarry driving one of those snatch Landrovers the British security services have loaned them…happy to see you back, have you been nobbled? 🙂

  4. Good to hear from you again, you have been sorely missed, thanks for your courage 🙂

  5. Did Bobby ask if you had been ennobled?
    Its not as daft as it seems….consider Jeremy Purvis!

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