Moore reaction….

The Scottish Press has taken the unprecedented step of issuing a joint statement to readers following the sacking of the Scottish Secretary Michael Moore.

It says: “ The proprietors and editors of Scotland’s daily newspapers wish to draw readers’ attention to recent changes in the Westminster ministerial team. Over the last two years readers may have been given the impression from reading our titles that Michael Moore was a giant of Scottish politics and a champion in fighting for the Union. Looking back we have uncovered interviews and commentary by respected journalists describing him variously as 007, unflappable point man and skilfull advocate. We even agreed with the Lib Dem press office to start calling him Mike to make him seem more approachable. We now realise that nothing could be further from the truth and wish to apologise unreservedly to readers and advertisers.

It was never our intention to mislead readers, rather we simply took for granted what Downing Street told us, that Mr Moore was an integral part of the decision-making team on the referendum in Number 10 and that he was doing a very good job. Our columnists rightly extrapolated from that and wrote about him in glowing, uncritical terms as a quietly-spoken statesman with the rock-like demeanour of a man able to take on and confront the bully Mr Salmond. We have never opted to challenge anything Downing Street or the Scotland Office tells us so we just assumed he was quietly effective. And very tall.

It now seems that we were completely wrong in that assessment and that far from being a powerful advocate for Union, he was in fact completely useless and lucky to keep his job as long as he did. Henceforth all editorials will disparage and deride Mr Moore as a slow-witted chartered accountant and a disastrous appointment and use him as a scapegoat if the referendum goes wrong.

Meanwhile we warmly welcome the man who should have had the job all along, as Downing Street informs us, the MP for Orkney and Shetland, whose name we are currently checking but whom our unbiased contacts describe as more combative. Therefore, following in the tradition of calling Mr Moore 007, he will be known in the Scottish Press as Conan the Barbarian.

Mr Moore will return to his normal job of being a Lib Dem MP nobody has heard of. Thank you.”

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14 thoughts on “Moore reaction….

  1. Lost my coffee several times there!

  2. I always respected his role on The Sky At Night.

  3. Poor MMoore, early on he marked his card when asked ‘You would call yourself a Unionist’ and replied ‘I wouldn’t call myself that’. It was only time. Come out, Michael and say Aye!

  4. Will we be lucky enough to get another numpty in the post after Moore? He was a gift to Yes!!

  5. Magic stuff Derek. To be honest I have often thought his heart wasn’t in it? I reckon he did his best and got shafted for not being like that twat Sarwar!

  6. Grahame: Above I chortle!

    Two bites at the cherries today . Re:Moore
    He deserves it.

  7. Poor Moore. Has a tongue-twisting appeal!

  8. All very well, but is he still very tall?

  9. Apparently Willie Rennie thinks that Michael Moore ‘outwitted’ Alex Salmond!

  10. Andrew Morton
    Willie Rennie has well hidden a substantial part of his dry wit.

  11. Michael is a gentleman and a scholar, a man with whom Alex could do business. He made the Scottish Secretary’s post look good, look elegant, look important, look classy. Then the private polls began to come in to unionist HQ. They weren’t looking as good as before, YES was seen to be moving slowly but steadily forward, suddenly classy, scholarly, elegant was no longer working – a different type of man was required as Scottish Secretary.

    A tougher man, a battler, a bruiser, a political animal. Step forward one Alastair Carmichael who will jump in with both feet where angels fear to tread. Sweet little AC will put his feet in it more times than any of us dare hope for.

    He has no finesse, no class, no political nuance. he will turn Rennie’s hair grey, add years to Clegg and make DC more determined than ever to get a majority in 2015.

    Well played the unionists – we are going to enjoy watching this.

  12. I’m really interested to know why, with less than twelve months to go until the referendum, the No side thought that it was a good idea to fire Moore. Surely the only message this sends out is that they think they are losing the battle?

  13. Roibert a Briuis

    Tiny little typo there “they know they are losing the battle” AND it looks like they are scraping the bottom of the barrel now – lets hope MM can see the Tsunami that is about to swamp England and will join the YES campaign. For sure he would have a better future (ooops nearly said north of the border) helping build a BETTER SCOTLAND when we are an Independent Country. As for wee willie he has no future in an Independent Scotland if Moore wants to play a part in the revitalisation/regeneration of Scotland.

  14. I had to read that last bit twice
    ” he will be known in the Scottish Press as Conan the Barbarian.”
    I thought you wrote
    Conan the Librarian

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