New referendum rally

No campaigners have announced plans for a massive show of support for the Union called the Dependence Rally.


“It’s time we responded to all this nationalism in our towns and cities,” said a spokesman. “We are going to reclaim the streets for decent hard-working Scots who want nothing to do with separation and subsidy…people like London-based businessmen, taxpayer bailed-out bankers, feather-bedded politicians and well-off pensioners who don’t want their lifestyle to change to pay for the unemployed, single mothers and those shaven-headed types you see in tracksuits smoking outside the betting shop.”


It is understood the rally will be preceded by a march.  “Not one of your undisciplined rabble refugee caravans like the nasty Nats,” he said. “We’ll have proper marching marshalled by former soldiers to keep everyone in line. The police won’t stand by and smile like they did at Calton Hill. They will line up and salute as we go past.”


Organisers are trying to tempt a member of the royal family to take the salute and have tentatively asked permission for access to Holyrood Palace. The plan is to assemble at Holyroodhouse opposite the Parliament and on the one o’ clock gun, turn and lift their kilts as a symbolic snub to Scottish democracy.


“We can play dirty too,” he said. “We’ve already had three expressions of interest from the Save the Union Association in Surrey who can’t be present personally because they’re only allowed 50 days a year in the UK for tax purposes but they’re sending their ghillies.”


As well as Union flags there will be an array of banners from support organisations including Ex Pat Scots in Monaco, Absentee Landlords for Salmon Fishing,, and the Feardies and Weirdies Club.


There will be strict segregation enforced with gentlemen in cavalry twills and Veldtshoens in front followed by those in Union-graded comfortable footwear with the inappropriately attired and women at the rear.


“We want to demonstrate our gratitude to the British elite for allowing us access to their markets and their superior way of doing things. The truth is, if you are going to be looked down upon, there are no nicer people to look down upon you,” said the official. “We’re proud to have won the acceptance of the last bastion of class superiority in Europe. That confirms what great people the Scots are. And as Mr Heffer pointed out in the Daily Mail only this week, we couldn’t possibly survive as a subsidy, drug and drink addicted nation without London charity.”


He said it wasn’t true the Unionists had no plans to tackle poverty. “We support what Britain has always done where there are too many poor people – start a foreign war and send them off to die. We don’t hold with all this benefits stuff. Welfare is for those who need a tax break…the wealth-creators. Why should they pay the same taxes as everyone else when they make the wealth in the first place?”


The rally will be held on the roundabout outside the Scottish Parliament. “Police say the safety limit is 12 so we have our work cut out to fill it but I think when people know they can hear inspirational speeches from James Kelly, Alan Cochrane and David Mundell, they’ll snap up tickets which are priced at £24.99.”


In an attempt to avoid having to charge, organisers are seeking a sponsor and after  discussions with Better Together are in contact with Bosnian arms dealers, shady oil traders, private equity firms and Russian oligarchs. “It doesn’t matter where the money comes from. It only matters where it’s going – into saving the most successful class preservation society in history and we Scots want to play our part. There is a natural order to things in Britain and God-fearing folk understand that. ”


The date is likely to on the Queen’s birthday. Further details are available at





17 thoughts on “New referendum rally

  1. I suggest that the Reverend Stu organises crowd funding so that the march can go ahead. One sight of the girning throng (OK, I exaggerate) would be enough to drive every undecided in the land into the arms of the Yes camp.

  2. cynicalHighlander

    Tugs forelock in obedience.

  3. Many a true word said in jest. I’m with you derek!!

  4. I’ll be there i f I can get a ticket

  5. This should be quite a rammy,,,,,ooops rally as I hear Ed is sending Damian McBride and Alastair Campbell and Gordy Broon to make sure there is no nonsense going on that he does not know about is sending Derek Draper and Charlie Whelan. Petter Meddlesome is coming with Fiona Millar on his arm. Nigel is too feart to make another visit to Embra but he is sending Godfrey Bloom sadly neither Dave or Nick can make it either BUT they are sending William Vague with a hand held GPS so he can get Lat Long co-ordinates for when the rUK want to bomb the Scottish Parliament after the YES vote.

  6. Please compile these posts into a book for Christmas – the perfect present!!! (Seriously…..!)

  7. These just get better and better, Derek. Quality stuff, once again.

  8. Jeezo – that is just brilliant (picking jaw up off the floor). Hope it’s ok for me to say that it’s brilliant – I didn’t have time to ask a unionist for permission to say it before I posted.

  9. Is it true that a BetterTory commissioned Ipsos/jackanory independent poll carried out at the March and Rally yesterday in Edinburgh found 69% in favour of the Union and continued charity handouts from Westminster and that only 3% believed a No vote would result in Lordships for Alisdair Darling and Michael Moore….

  10. Following intervention by Mcmurdo of naebodies listening, a Better Together spokesman confirmed they would be leafleting, park benches, phone boxes and toilet cubicles for those used to attending Tory conferences and unused to crowds of 10 or more. The spokesman confirmed whilst our flautists and drummers will provide most of the marchers , many BT supportes have expressed their concern in poor marching ettiquette where the issue of how to dodge eggs has not been covered appropriately.This issue has now been resolved with BT dependist Blower McD offerring the services of BBC cameras to monitor any person buying an inordinate amount of eggs before the march.
    A YES spokesman commented with the Commonwealth Games on the horizon, we hope the ordinary people of Scotland see eggsactly how Better Together are stifling Scotlands field athletes by limiting their practice in throwing,archery and lawn bowls.

  11. christopher donohue

    Feel I’m awakening from a dream. I support Independence for Scotland. I adhere to no political party. I attended Calton Hill event and was overwhelmed by the turnout. Today (sunday 22nd) I see the photo that the glasgow tabloid shot from above, showing me and 2 others! I now realize the fear from the unionist media side by this shabby attempt at distortion. I’m glad I witnessed this for myself. Oops! feel myself sliding back into the dream.

  12. I heard there are a lot more organizations that will have banners at this march – the Bedroom Tax Fan Club, the Cringe Fringe, the Unrolled R Society, Luvvies 4 London, the Hunt Shoot & Leave Club, the Team GB Self-Love Circle,, to name just a few more…..

  13. I LOVE I heart me laugh, yes a Tshirt slogan in the making

  14. Well said, I doth my cap to you squire!

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