No campaigners have announced plans for a massive show of support for the Union called the Dependence Rally.
“It’s time we responded to all this nationalism in our towns and cities,” said a spokesman. “We are going to reclaim the streets for decent hard-working Scots who want nothing to do with separation and subsidy…people like London-based businessmen, taxpayer bailed-out bankers, feather-bedded politicians and well-off pensioners who don’t want their lifestyle to change to pay for the unemployed, single mothers and those shaven-headed types you see in tracksuits smoking outside the betting shop.”
It is understood the rally will be preceded by a march. “Not one of your undisciplined rabble refugee caravans like the nasty Nats,” he said. “We’ll have proper marching marshalled by former soldiers to keep everyone in line. The police won’t stand by and smile like they did at Calton Hill. They will line up and salute as we go past.”
Organisers are trying to tempt a member of the royal family to take the salute and have tentatively asked permission for access to Holyrood Palace. The plan is to assemble at Holyroodhouse opposite the Parliament and on the one o’ clock gun, turn and lift their kilts as a symbolic snub to Scottish democracy.
“We can play dirty too,” he said. “We’ve already had three expressions of interest from the Save the Union Association in Surrey who can’t be present personally because they’re only allowed 50 days a year in the UK for tax purposes but they’re sending their ghillies.”
As well as Union flags there will be an array of banners from support organisations including Ex Pat Scots in Monaco, Absentee Landlords for Salmon Fishing, WeNeverWereANation.org, CravenLabour.net and the Feardies and Weirdies Club.
There will be strict segregation enforced with gentlemen in cavalry twills and Veldtshoens in front followed by those in Union-graded comfortable footwear with the inappropriately attired and women at the rear.
“We want to demonstrate our gratitude to the British elite for allowing us access to their markets and their superior way of doing things. The truth is, if you are going to be looked down upon, there are no nicer people to look down upon you,” said the official. “We’re proud to have won the acceptance of the last bastion of class superiority in Europe. That confirms what great people the Scots are. And as Mr Heffer pointed out in the Daily Mail only this week, we couldn’t possibly survive as a subsidy, drug and drink addicted nation without London charity.”
He said it wasn’t true the Unionists had no plans to tackle poverty. “We support what Britain has always done where there are too many poor people – start a foreign war and send them off to die. We don’t hold with all this benefits stuff. Welfare is for those who need a tax break…the wealth-creators. Why should they pay the same taxes as everyone else when they make the wealth in the first place?”
The rally will be held on the roundabout outside the Scottish Parliament. “Police say the safety limit is 12 so we have our work cut out to fill it but I think when people know they can hear inspirational speeches from James Kelly, Alan Cochrane and David Mundell, they’ll snap up tickets which are priced at £24.99.”
In an attempt to avoid having to charge, organisers are seeking a sponsor and after discussions with Better Together are in contact with Bosnian arms dealers, shady oil traders, private equity firms and Russian oligarchs. “It doesn’t matter where the money comes from. It only matters where it’s going – into saving the most successful class preservation society in history and we Scots want to play our part. There is a natural order to things in Britain and God-fearing folk understand that. ”
The date is likely to on the Queen’s birthday. Further details are available at OnOurKnees.com