Warning.…I’ve just a digital alert from GCHQ. The officer in charge said they were monitoring the blog and liked it and was it OK to share with the NSA. He also said he knew everybody who was reading it and their names were on an intelligence file under, I think he said, Scottish National Liberation Army or something similar.

Could I confirm I was nothing to do with a spy called…sounded like the Earl of Snowden?! Anyway I told him I had a second blog designed not to make you laugh but make you SCREAM WITH ANGER at what I really think. It’s called Derek Bateman Broadcaster2 but I have to get the security  cleared by Cheltenham. (This is code for my wife coming home to show me how to put a link on the page. I have no idea how it works. It may be tomorrow before it’s up)

Let me know if you’re interested in a different kind of DBB (Derek Bateman Broadcaster) blog. I should warn you – I get pretty outspoken for someone from the BBC.  It’s meant to be challenging rather than infuriating but I do let fly. I’ve basically stopped caring and I’m fed up with politicians posturing. Never mind the lying. Time to take this debate out of the hands of the political tribes and give it to the people.

This first blog has shocked me with its impact. Yesterday was the end of week one and there were over 19,000 views. Sounds good for seven days without marketing. It’s read in 10 countries – even England!  And I know I’m supposed to be cynical and smart but some of the messages you’ve sent really moved me. I kind of miss the radio too and it’s touching to hear you say you miss me. Thanks for responding. We’re a great country full of great people.  It’s our referendum…let’s make it fun.


Hey! GCHQ came through…Thank God for British security…they’ve cleared my sister blog.  The link is on the right under something called blogroll which I think is a list of Secretaries of State for Scotland since 1880.  Click on and have a look. Don’t be offended, it’s meant to be a genuine contribution…not that I care really. It’s what I think….



41 thoughts on “WARNING *SECURITY* ALERT

  1. Cracking blog Grommit. You should have left the BBC years ago. Do you think you’d have any chance of getting your job back? It’s like cathartic x 10. You’ve obviously had a lot to get off your chest.

  2. Let’s make it fun and let’s make it reasonably honest. Come 19th September next year none of us want to feel conned because we have believed the lies and manipulations certain politicos told us. And yes, let’s give this debate over to the people and encourage everyone to become better informed about the choices. What will Scotland be like if independence is won? The shape of that is in the hands of us all, not those of politicos.
    Keep up the great pieces.

  3. yep, I’d be interested in another bateman blog. I’m loving this one but not sure if it’s really Derek or a parody. I’ll ask Mr Aitchison.

    Susan (Stewart)

  4. Fun, Derek? When the opposition consists of such warm, chuckling, cuddly types, the likes of Alistair “Doom and Gloom” Darling, Iain “Misogynist Bullying Thug” Davidson, Michael “Anti-Scottish Secretary of State” Moore and Danny “Osborne’s Human Shield” Alexander. And that’s not even including Mags “Sterrheid Rammy” Curran, Anas “Compulsive Liar” Sarwar and Johann “Salmond Hater” Lamont, to name but a very few! Get rid of these po-faced. girnin’ ghouls, and we might even get an independence debate that’s factual, let alone fun!

  5. Perhaps a position will arise in the SBC post 2016. After all, we’ll have £350 mil going begging.
    Will the new one be a serious blog. BUT, in it will you seek to undermine the Independence campaign as you did the BBC. A double, double agente provocateur.

  6. Ordinary people have waited a long time for someone from the BBC to be ‘outspoken ‘ , we’ll cope ! Your right Derek this year with this amazing opportunity should be fun !
    We laugh in the face of challenging , we have seen Jim (tilt head in empathetic patronising manner ) and survived .In the words of a once popular BBC spokesperson “Bring it on !”

  7. Derek, this is the smartest move ever – in 364 days you’re lined up for a top job at the new SBC. Keep it up and all the best

  8. Oh Yes please. Keep the satire going, and give us another one, a sort of thinking person’s view from the outside if that’s what you have in mind. More, more, more.

  9. Absolutely do the other blog….more the merrier! We have loads of folk to educate.

  10. “Time to take this debate out of the hands of the political tribes and give it to the people.”

    Amen to that. I’ve noticed that the only time we hear any sense is when the politicians shut up.

  11. Yep two blogs sounds good – the serious broadcaster blog like you were at the Beeb but without the bias and the foot on your throat ; and DB Unleashed or Unzipped or whatever, where you confront the bullshitters head on and satirize them even better than they satirize themselves.

    Should be great fun!!

  12. Derek, you are the best thing ever to come out of the BBC and I mean that in both senses of the phrase. I want you as the man to run the SBC. Your first task will be to interview Brian Taylor, Jackie Bird, Sally Magnusson, Douglas Fraser, Kaye Adams, et al and get them to write an essay of apology to the Scottish people, all of which you’ll post online. Next they’ll have to write job applications which state why they should get their jobs back and why the others shouldn’t.

    Should make interesting reading.

  13. Go for it Derek!

  14. Love it – Take it up a notch!

  15. Oh ho! Just look forward to this blog so much – I will indeed take a look at Blog 2 but I think I’d rather have something to smile about 🙂

  16. I suggest you retrieve your BBC employee handbook, burn it, and do what comes naturally. Life is like a “box of Batemans”?

  17. Love the satire, but leaves me even more intrigued as to the real stories behind the blog. Miss you on on the radio, but sometimes needs must, and I for one look forward to Bateman Blog Two.

  18. Derek,
    Most encouraging to know you are going to “let fly”. Many of us are (concerned is the wrong word) raging that reasonable arguments and visions of what a normal, independent country might do are regularly belittled, or more regularly, simply ignored by journalists in what can only be called “establishment” posts, while the lying and self agrandisement of mediocre career politicians are presented to an uninformed public as if they were the only way in which Scotland should operate.
    Please let fly. And more pertinently aim right between the eyes.

  19. So enjoying this blog Derek, that we can all still laugh whilst feeling so angry speaks volumes, so I certainly feel there is a place for both…bring on DBB2.

  20. What if Call UKaye sets up a rival blog called ‘An ordinary concerned mother?’

  21. Two Blogs Bateman

  22. Follow, follow, we will follow Derek (two blogs) Bateman!

  23. Sounds good!

  24. Derek, you’re a great blogger and you’re hitting the nail on the head with these posts. That’s why your viewing figures are so high. We are all fed up with the tedious and unimaginative debate so far. We can’t all blog but we can cheer on, support, share and comment on terrific stuff like this.

  25. Derek,
    yes, yes, yes please! I can’t wait to read your ‘broadcaster 2’ blog. It sounds like exactly what is required, not to say that this ‘broadcaster1’ blog hasn’t really been slapping them down hard with that satirical kipper of yours.

    The concept of a two handed attack is inspired. I only hope you can keep up the pace for this next all important year, without doing yourself an injury (mental or physical)!

    So thanks so much. You are up the top of my bookmark now and really deserve all the success. The dark cloud of your early retirement from BBC Scotland really is yielding a sparkling silver lining for our referendum debate.

  26. Oh Derek……isn’t retirement liberating? Just you go for it – you only live once ( I think).

  27. FUN OH MY the only part that has been fun so far was seeing people take your first post here seriously.

    I will forgo the fun if i can have a balanced factual unbiased debate but then with who the opposition is Darling, Broon, call me Dave, Professional crystal ball reader the boy George, the two supposedly UK Scottish ministers Moore and Curran, Cleg and Danny, not forgetting no comment / I am in charge of a non existent ‘Scottish’ labour party Johann and liar liar pants of fire Sanwar and Bailey I have more chance of finding a pot of gold at the bottom of my garden than any of these pollyticians having an attack of anything resembling honesty.

    YES you have brought some fun into this debate BUT I doubt your blogs can overwhelm the fear campaign and by that I mean make us forget the $hite that all of the MSM as throwing at us as well as their silence when the bitter together lot open their mouths and just spout lie after lie after lie and not a word is said…that for sure is anything but fun watching that sort of nonsense going on. For sure you are missed at the BBC by us listeners BUT I feel that you and this blog and blog2 could be Scotland version of Paul Staines Guido Fox Order-Order blog. I am excited as it feels like that to me, something so pointed and very effective and just as important. More power to your fingers.
    Question though, can you keep two blogs going and be as effective and focused for at least another year without running out of steam mentally and physically?
    In a week you have made a significant impact hopefully you can build on that……he he maybe even be invited by the BBC for a Radio or TV interview – how sweet would that be.

  28. Loving the blog. As for more, yes please!

  29. cynicalHighlander

    We’ll spread it if you produce it as democracy is worth fighting for.

  30. Brilliant blog.
    You should be penning up a comedy program. Had me in stitches and find myself checking every few hours to see if you’ve added something new up.
    Blog 2 sounds bra too!

    On yerself Derek.

  31. Retirement, the best job you’ll ever have. Think what you like,say what you like. However,however, once Independence is secure we may try to tempt you back to work!
    Great stuff here.

  32. Oh, go for it.

    For my own part, I’d like to know how it’s done. How the people who end up in the powerful presenter/interviewer positions are all so one-sidedly biassed. Individual bias isn’t too bad a problem, so long as it’s evened out among a team. But every single last one of them with strong political ties to one of the unionist parties (and prepared to act on them) is no coincidence.

    How the BBC gets away with lobbing dolly-taps at Labour politicos while outrageously attacking SNP ministers on the flimsiest of grounds. How Stephen Purcell got such an easy ride (poor baby) while Stewart Stevenson was forced to resign over something that was completely out of his control. In the course of that latter one, only one of two absolutely contradictory BBC weather maps shown the same night was replayed, and the fact that the depth of the snow was three or four times what had been suggested by even the worse case was never pointed out.

    How every opposition press release is regurgitated as if it was the word of God, with embellishments, while major speeches by the First Minister and important government announcements go unreported. Why any opinion poll looking good for Yes is pulled apart to find some excuse to rubbish it, while equally if not more problematic polls looking good for No are reported as factual. How whatever the poll, some baseline is found whereby it can be represented as Yes losing ground. How the No campaign can pull the most outrageous stunts without criticism, while anything similar on the Yes side is immediately shredded.

    How is this accomplished behind the scenes? It suggests a fairly high-level conspiracy.

  33. Missing you on the radio but loving the blog. Another DBB blog along the lines of your piece in Newsnet Scotland would be great though

  34. Derek, I can`t thank you enough for this blog. This past week has had a new edge to it with your daily double-bills. Having listened to you for two decades or so, I`ve a good idea how valuable to the debate a more serious commentary from you will be. So get on with it.
    See you at the march ?

  35. Moi taas MI5 ja MI6 – m’oon kai MI6:n kauraa, ulkomaalanen uhka brittivaltiolle, kentiis jopa terroristi ku kannatan Skotlannin itsenäisyyttä, jotta tott’kai te keräätte must kaikki tiedot. I just wish you have a good Finnish translator who understands my non-standard Finnish and my irony and sarcasm.

    Sorry to all you at GCHQ/NAS/MI5/MI6. You know me, I don’t know you, but I’ll offer a cup of good coffee when you come knocking at my door. You won’t, because, thank god, I live in another country, not UK or US but a country with real democracy and human rights. The problem is that Scotland aspires to become one of these “good” small European countries once it’s independent. Doesn’t want to be a part of the dying British Empire and its “special relationship” (with nukes) with the US, but looks forward, not backward.

    Että vittu joo, mut kai pidätetään jos yritän tulla Yhdistyneisiin kuningaskuntiin. 😉

  36. Have bookmarked both blogs.

  37. And now, over on DBB2….

    Great stuff, loving it…

  38. Fantastic Blog Derek – the new GMS weekends isn’t a patch on the old show.

  39. Loving DBB1 Can’t wait for DBB2. If you can write it we’ll being reading it. All the best.

  40. ‘Time to take this debate out of the hands of the political tribes and give it to the people.’
    ‘ It’s our referendum…let’s make it fun.’

    Years ago (about 20) I tried, with some friends, to set up a referendum fund which would exclude politicians. A peoples referendum. Now we have a referendum organised by politicians (and well done to the people/party who got us this far) – but now it’s happening, it’s our referendum.

    So, YES Derek, let’s have the wild side, but mostly – away from the lying, half-truths, soundbites and spin – let’s have some fun.

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