Only a year to go…

At last…there are only 365 days left before Scots answer the most momentous question of our time which will have long-lasting repercussions for democracy in these islands – what will happen to Jim Murphy after independence?

 

While the national focus has been on constitutional change and the economy, the political parties and the army of camp followers they employ are obsessed with a bigger question…will I have a job?

 

“It’s beginning to dawn on Unionists that their meal ticket will be withdrawn,” said an insider. “Don’t forget that many of these people went into politics as a career because they couldn’t do a real job, they had pals who got them in and there is nowhere else they can earn the same with a pension and expenses. Look at the holidays. You’d have to be a teacher to get a longer break. And the truth is that at Westminster there is literally nothing to do any more.”

 

This is personified best by Jim Murphy who was a student leader who stood as a makeweight contender against Allan Stewart in 1997 and won as Scotland turned against every Tory.  He was an accidental MP. Now through no fault of his own, he will be unemployed and there are few openings for middle-aged student leaders.

“Since he is an enthusiastic supporter of nuclear weapons, he could get a job as a fitter at Faslane”, said the source. “In order to pick up the big money as an adviser to the arms manufacturers you have to have credibility…”

 

The problem for many of the MPs is that their hysterical tirades demeaning Scotland and the Scots make them unemployable in an independent Scotland. “You couldn’t even set up a PR or lobbying firm and get any business.” He said. The first thing a business client would say is: Aren’t you the guy who said the economy would collapse and business would leave if we voted Yes?”

 

There is evidence that a clutch of long serving MPs are seeking a seat in the Lords as these are created through patronage not democracy. “Thank God for an unelected House,” said a Labour MP.

 

A charity – DoYouKnowWhoIAm.com – is being established to help concerned Members. The public is being asked to come up with ideas for alternative careers.

 

“We’ve already had applications for help,” said the charity. “Letters arrived from Alan Reid, Russell Brown, Iain McKenzie, Mike Crockart, Thomas Docherty, Gemma Doyle, Michael McCann, Gregg McClymont, Ann McKechin, Graeme Morrice, Ian Murray, Fiona O’Donnel, James Sheridan and 20 others. The problem is that we don’t know who any of these people are and they can’t prove they’ve ever done anything in politics. In fact we’re sure some of them are imposters. “

 

Independence may mean we never hear of these people again. Which is why, critics say, it’s important to vote Yes in a year’s time. “It’s a pity we have to wait,” said a Yes campaign spokesman.

 

* I have received a message from Better Together. It says: “F**k off you Nationalist c**t. When are you going to give back the licence fee money you stole while pushing SNP propaganda?” It was accompanied by a Smiley Face which proves the team are trying really hard to lose that negative image.

 

 

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16 thoughts on “Only a year to go…

  1. Derek, this is the best yet. Laughed out loud all the way through.Please keep posting as I look forward to reading them between leafleting sessions.

  2. ha ha ! love it.

  3. Our sympathy goes to all those soon to be redundant (many argue they have been so for decades) MPs. I mean, even Middle East despots, awash with petrodollars, have had to place a limit on visiting has-beens on junkets and lecture tours. I know of only two MPs who have managed to eke out a modest income using this channel.
    Here is a heartfelt illustration of their penury: http://www.arabianbusiness.com/revealed-gulf-payments-british-mps-484880.html

  4. Two posts in a day. Are you on a bonus system?
    But Mr Sarwar and Bailie have pledged on telly that they will still be around after a YES vote helping Scotland Aye right!.

    Brilliant….

  5. I suspect Russell Brown could get a job as a garden gnome at one of the many garden centres in Dumfries area after the referendum.

  6. HaHaHa – Too close to the truth.
    Snouts in trough…..lets get rid of career politicians in Scotland, from all parties.
    Keep up the good work Derek

  7. And this blog shows why we will have a resounding YES next year. That ability to look at broken system, get upset, then start to laugh about it, but finally, finally to do something about it. And have a laugh at outlives while we do it.

  8. Painfully true.

  9. Maybe Murphy can return to Sud Afrika to undertake his national service he ran away from, big feartie?!

  10. Love it ,love it ,love it!

  11. Derek, I don’t know much, but I am certain you are going to be an important player in the Independence debate.

  12. I am helpless with laughter. Do the BBC know what a gem they have lost in you?

  13. Are you talking of the Jim Murphy who didn’t finish his Degree, got elected as an MP and found himself, having never done a days work in his life,as an accidental Secretary of State for Scotland. The Jim Murphy who as leader of Scottish NUS was campaigning for Palestine but who as soon as he got involved in Eastwood (Scotland’s most Jewish Constituency) joined the Scottish Friends of Israel. The Jim Murphy who flipped his house twice, on the second occasion because he said he was spending most of his time in Scotland, while at the same time taking 13 months £400 London allowance in 12 months as Alex Salmond got attacked for taking two months.
    Qfter the recent Labour For Independence launch in Dunoon the paltform party and some other Labour guys were asked which Labour figure they disliked (or pobably despised) the most. Jimbo won by miles with Gord in a distant second place ahead of Alistair Darling

  14. I was playing golf with a Labour stalwart just before the 2011 election. He knew pretty much everybody in the party and when I got onto the subject of Jim Murphy (like you do), he said, “A very self satisfied gentleman”.

  15. It has occurred to me that when the people of Scotland vote YES next year we will have between seventy and eighty “Scottish” members of the House of Lords along with a phalanx of “Scottish” Labour ex MPs thrown overnight onto the scrapheap of history;.unceremoniously dumped with nowhere to go, Think of all those salaries and perks evaporating overnight -aristocrats like Lord Des Brown, Lord John Reid, Lord Gus MacDonald ,Lord Lewis Mooney et al will be for the chop. Imagine the chagrin of Baroness Annabel Goldie and Lord Jeremy Purvis being made redundant just as the gravy was about to be poured.
    It is surely doubtful if any serious company or business will be desperate to have an ex-Scottish peer on their letterhead as a non-executive director.
    Scots should be aware of the dire consequences of this crucial vote.

    PS Whoops, I nearly forgot Foulkesy

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